Today is the first day I've spent the entire day away from you. Right now I'm sitting in a coffee shop in downtown Salem getting ready to come home to you. All in all, I think it has been a good day. Today is a Thursday and I go back to work full-time on Monday. Your dad and I thought we'd have a trial run. I think it was more for me than anyone. I worked at the office this morning and then went shopping, tanning and of course had to get a pumpkin latte at the coffee shop - it is that time of year.
This morning I was busy at work with the new database so that went well. Things fell apart a bit when I called your dad to see how things were going. I'm feeling pretty good now.
Until I became a mother, I would never had understood this feeling. As you will learn, I'm not really a touchy-feely kind of person. But, I do have this intense love for you that is making it hard to have other priorities. I keep telling myself that I will actually be a better mom if I maintain my social contacts and physical stuff (like dragon-boating). I hope this isn't a lie I'm telling myself to feel better. It's hard; you don't seem to know that I'm leaving or even care. In some ways that makes it feel easier. But at some level, I want you to want me to be there with you. I think that's the selfish part of me ;) Either way, this is how it is and your dad is doing great!
This is amazing, Sunny. Dylan will be so thankful for this in the years to come. There are so few mom's these days that take the time to leave memoires for their children.
ReplyDeleteThe part that got me was where you wrote that you have never been a real emotional person, because I know that's true. You were always the "don't care what other people think" kind of person, so for me to see this love come through you for your son is absolutely beautiful. I can tell that you love him with all your heart and you are a terrific mother. Dylan will have many years to come with many memories of Dragon-boating, hiking, lots of love and of course....a TON of pictures! Good job Sunny! I look forward to reading more of your journey into motherhood.
Em
Couz-
ReplyDeleteWow! You made me choke up a bit! I completely whole heartedly understand what you're feeling. I too am a working mother and had to have that first moment of leaving Shelby. It does get easier....but you will still have many many moments. I think this is an amazing thing to do for Dylan! I haven't touched Shelby's "baby book" in probably over a year...terrible! And the one thing I can tell you for certain is that taking time for yourself is one of the MOST IMPORTANT things you can do for him. It does make you a better mom on soooooo many levels. It allows you to breathe, remember who you are, de-stress so in those days ahead when he's whining and everyone at work is whining you can effectively and patiently handle him instead of snapping. Also, if you live only for your child (which we all of course do to a health extent) then what are we teaching them? They will learn to view themselves how WE view ourselves?? If we appear to have no self worth then they will learn to view themselves that way and only live for someone else. We are their mothers, their teachers; here to guide, nuture, and love...not to smother. We want them to be successful and independent and capable of taking care of themselves in the future. We need to show them that we are capable of that as well. I'm not saying to go bar hopping every night or to abandon our young...just remember to take some time (even if its a few minutes or for something as simple as getting a latte) and things will all work out. Hugs~
Oops...had a few grammatical errors....my bad.
ReplyDeleteThanks! Remember Em, we all care more about what others think than we like to let on!
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